So what's life...??..

What is the most significant thing that happened in your life? Or the more pertinent question should be, what makes you feel like you are alive?

Many a time, I noticed people arranged numerous plans or programme, activities that supposedly is fulfilling and just forever wander out to mingle with everyone else. Yes, everyone but themselves. How many of us ever asked ourselves, do I like to spend time with MYSELF? Give that a try.

So, how many of us wondered, what's life? Or rather, what's to my life? Or maybe what's in my life? Or could it be WHY am I alive? Hmmmm.... the last question maybe it, or probably just one of the numerous questions that hang over us...

Now, this blog is unfortunately not to answer questions. Nope. On the contrary, I like asking questions, lots of it.

So what's life? It's about living, being straightforward, being kind to others, trying to contribute without trying too hard to deny our own existence. It's about living as life is, and not coming up and using acitivities and performances and achievements and 'successes' to pretend that all is good. Life in itself is good enough. The trick is to learn to take it one at a time.... as my new Facebook friend Wild Bill put it... it's not necessarily about the goal, but the path...

So what's life again? It's about being and enjoying and living as is... for me....

Still a BLUR

Many times I look and wondered, is it time yet? Should I make my move? What’s next? Am I emotionally-ready to take on all that?

I guess, unlike most people, I couldn’t see the things in front of me. My mind needs to have the overall picture, before returning to move. Worse, I usually still would not know what my next move should be, even though I saw the final picture. But, how do I know the final picture, without going through the current path, some may say? Well, it usually has one of this feeling about being in a small container high up on a cabinet, you look down and saw the table and know you will be there and yet at the same time you have no idea HOW??? Herein is my situation. If someone asked, how would you know you would necessary end up on the table, the answer to that is very simple, it’s call ‘purpose’. If I am a spatula in that small container that was somehow put up on the cabinet, my purpose as a spatula was to be used for bakery or cooking, and the user will need to take it down and put it on the table when the time comes.

That is what life is like, for me. I saw that (final) goal, I may or may not know my purpose at one point or another, but I most definitely have no idea still, how I would be place in such a way, where I would go, how I would go and why I would be going.

As it is, this journey is truly a process that someday when I look back, I could say, oh so that’s what it’s all about. For the time being though, I am STILL A BLUR……

Stress - The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

Humanly speaking, most people presumed that stress means terrible. It means sickness, ageing, hypertension and the like. But the fact about stress is, there are pros and cons to it.

1) Our human body requires stress otherwise we would not be able to function well. Having stable blood pressure is necessary as one of the indication of a healthy body. A lack of stress could result in lower pressure than required. This could induce a person to feel dizzy, suffered from a lack of appetite and when such problem persists, may even resulted in a person being unable to function in a normal daily affair. Thus, having a proper level of stress is good for the body.

2) Stress could be viewed as a measurement on the amount of rest or the lack of it for our body. When we are too stressful, symptoms such as bad skin, weight gain or loss, bad appetite (too little or too much) and if left unattended for a prolong period of time could even cause mental or emotional illness.

3) A person who is proactive towards working off the unhealthy amount of stress would find that he or she leads an even more productive life. For example, when feeling stressful and anxious or agitated, I find it extremely relieving to be cleaning up the kitchen (scrubbing up, cleaning all the oils, pots and pans), pumpings and exercise before clearing up junks in my room and the like. The satisfaction from seeing things get done is therapeutic for me. But then, that's just myself. Different people, different ways...

Good luck to all and sundry. Just remember, stress can be a positive encouragement for us to live productively, but we must not be reactive to it.

Where is my focus?

For the past few months, I had been doing lots of thinking, thinking and thinking. Or rather, replanning, remapping and re-whatever that I could THINK of.

First up, why should I be going where everyone else is when I've always been taking a completely different route (albeit a lil lonely). Am I a corporate person? Am I really suited for office in the long run? Heck, I am always so against convention, my brain practically burp when others rejoice about some (achievement of sorts), which, sorry to say, I find mind-numbing. There you have it. Will my mind ever fit into the conventional world? Errrrmm, never in a million years. I frantically go after things that the world says it's impossible, but I find myself running away like I've seen ghosts when talking about some normal corporate ladder climbing. Sigh!!!

Next, what exactly is my dream? It seems like whatever that makes me laugh and looked on with glee and real passion still holds true right in my heart. My childhood dream was that someday I could go out there and helped empowered and unrepresented, weak and downtrodden. Correct. I never thought about feeding them, giving for their needs alone. I finally realised that blurry vision. It was to be part of them, to let them know that, despite what the whole world says, things will work out and their lives will soon transformed.

Finally, I am still sitting in my little corner, barely able to finish the first chapter of the draft of a novel I so wanted to write, only half-way through on my plans on some plants experiments and getting outdated on the economic worldwide.

Oh my, don't I just need to buck-up and put first thing first? Problem is... Where is my focus?

Having a reflection on 2011, seeking a resolution for 2012

Year 2011 was quite a momentous year for me, primarily because every dream fall into place on its own.

I had my passport made in Jan 2011, went on the trip to Hatyai with my colleagues from my former branch. Thereafter on the 12th Aug 2011, the day I turned 30 according to both the Western calendar and Chinese lunar calendar, I boarded my first ever flight, and of all places, to Chengdu, China (speaking of coincidences) - none of this were planned exactly, not even the date of the flight.;-). I guess this is called going back to the roots, inspite of how I never really wanted that? Last, but not least, the trip to Singapore over the Christmas weekend. All in all, 2011 had been an adventurous year for silly little me.

Now, how about the last few days of 2011. It had been horrific. Getting one sickness after another, infection, sore throat, cough, flu and even blackout. The year ended on a purging note for me. But, no worry, because despite all these, the water taste sweet to my mouth until I get bored with it. I think, I could somehow understand why the Israelites get bored with their manna...I get bored cause the water and rice all taste sweet to my mouth...Sigh!!!

Oh, not forgetting, I finally graduated in November 2011 after the convocation... :-)

In short, 2011 is a milestone year for me.

Now, what kind of resolution should I make for 2012? How about finding someone, and settling down? Oh my God, did I just say that? Oh well, I'll keep the rest between God and myself.

Here's wishing everyone Happy New Year 2012. May there be abundance blessings of health, joy and love for you, you and you...:D

To Forgive Takes Courage

Remembering the hurt and yet have forgiven someone felt like the hardest thing to do. And yet, come to think of it, God has done that time and again to me. Even when humans rain condemnation on me, even when I did that, God took me into His arms when such compassion that truly if I do not forgive those who hurt me, how do I face Him?

And yet the very thought of forgiving is so very scary. Scared that I'll get hurt again, scared that I'll be taken advantage of by people if I ever let them away from that black book. And yet, and yet...to forgive was the only way to move forward. To forgive was the only way to acknowledge all the second chances which I have received. To forgive takes courage, and I guess, after so many years of living with so much unknown and unfounded fears, it is indeed time to take courage and forgive and embrace others even while I'm still in the midst of this journey to find that courage to be kind to others without ever fearing that rejection again.

Happy Thanksgiving

After a journey that started in early 2007, it finally reach it's end when I finally, truly graduated (in a way). It all started in 2006, when I had started getting bored, my siblings feeling concern about my career path and studies, as well as my mom. Looking round and finding nothing, I left it as it is (as I always did). Then about the end of 2006, while working late in my office, a document was faxed in. As it was routine for me to check and cleared the fax machine area, I proceeded to unlock and move in to check on the document. Turned out, it was an offer of sorts from Wawasan Open University, for staff from whichever company that the document arrived for, to sign up as they will be taking in their first batch of students. Curious, I took that and presented it to the branch manager, who gave me the permission to ask the other staff who could be interested to submit their names. After submitting our names, the few of us obtained further information on the degree available. From there, this part of my journey began.

Every semester, new things, unknown things cropped up. My uni mates and I were indeed a whole bunch of guinea pigs. Plunging into the uncertainty took a lot of faith as I was weighing options on whether to continue, as well as how my entire social life seemed to be stuck (not that I have much to shout about in the first place).

Now that it had finally ended, the transcript and scroll handed to those of us who have graduated (for me a CGPA of 3.70, a Distinction even when I had been spending about half the time reading everything else but my course materials), I can only say with all thankfulness that I could only do these on the strength of the Lord and with support and love from my family.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. And may each day be made fresh and ended with thanksgiving despite our circumstances. Turkey or chicken??...