Learning to Exercise God's Love...

What is God's love in action?........

To care, to have compassion, to forgive, to love deeply.........without seeking anything in return.

There had been numerous times when I found myself experiencing this from God Himself and those around me......and didn't realise about them.....that is until now.

This morning, as I prayed and have a short-time communing with God, there are so many things that come to my realisation.............

Indeed, I have the assurance of God's love.....where do you think I came to acknowledge that experience, if not from my (now ex-) bf..........This guy, of all the people I have known, made me realise that indeed God loves me, to the point that I could even sense God's presence and Him covering me in His love.....in a REAL way......

I also come to realise that I have many people who love me and are ready to support me in whatever horrible situation I got myself into.....

I realise that mommy really loves me and care about my well-being and my previous log hurt her......and I'm really sorry about it......

I realise that indeed I have recover in many ways and in many of my emotional hurts, even if I am not able to relate that to other people, it doesn't hurt in that way anymore.........

Yes, things that I realise and learn........that I have recovered from all those hurts.....even if no one understands me......God does.........He only knows what's in my heart.........

I wish Kartik, whom I really care about, even as a friend, to know that I'm sorry for all the hurts I've caused him.......I do not know what is that........and well, not saying it won't help things.....or maybe it does to him.........If he felt that I was not being understanding, I admit here that yes, my understanding is limited to only whatever that he wish to share to me.....that's all.......But I could relate to this feeling of helplessness......because on many, many occasions, including until now, many people couldn't really understand me, even when I said that out.....something else was construed..........

I want to apologies to mommy, because I couldn't and didn't know how to tell her things without making her upset, or her saying things that made me upset in turn........I tried but I guess, still the way I communicate is down-right wrong.......

I want to love others, and really love others the way God loves me.........yes, in a magnanimous way.......I don't know.......but, yeah......He came in and touched my heart the way I didn't realise He did, until just now.......

But...........I'm still the emotional, vulnerable, weird little me......just learning to exercise God's love in action..........not the way most people do when they seek to be reciprocated, but to learn to love others............even in the midst of disdain, anger and other mixed of negative emotions......

I'm not able to do that myself.......but with God prodding me in this journey.....I could do it in Him.........

Finally, I want to thank many people for being part of my life.......through good, through bad....God has been using all these to teach me....---

my mommy....
my daddy...
my siblings.......Kian Teck, Chiew Lian and Kian Hin........

really love all of you......God place us together without us choosing..........and yet, if I could choose again, I would want to be with you all........really.........

my relatives.....many of them......grandmas...grandpas....all my aunts..my cousins....my uncles..........there were arguments....hey, there's even a whole lot of negative feelings from my part sometimes....but, I do love you all..........

my church members........you all know who you are...........I really appreciate all the things........everything...........Thank You..........

my office colleagues..........from previous ones to current ones..........none of these people might know.....but thank you anyway........

my ex- and current classmates......school mates.........thanks.............

And not forgetting, the person that prompt this log............Kartik...........sorry again......I don't know how I could change things for you...........but I wish you all the best............and pray that you too will have a journey with God.............

Agape.........Chiew Yee