Romances???

Some women would say to fight for it, it's their right. Some said, let it be. Others said give it a try. And still some think it's all the same. And me?......

Well, if I were to fight to retain my previous relationship, would it work? After all, one hand clapping makes no sound. And no amount of trying to talk gets anything out of it. I tried. I really did. And he decided to break off, walked away from the relationship, just with an sms early in the morning, because he can't take it with me anymore. I cried really hard before that whole thing, before the final straw, so much so that by the time when it came, I called mom to inform her, and my emotions and all just went out from me. No crying, no tears, nothing. I felt like a sort of vacuum, I can't even find my own tears. Before he broke it off, it really felt like I was hung up with a hook on the back of my body, and hanged midway the whole time during arguments. I wondered if there was even any real arguments at all. But it did hurt like hell. I decided to log this now, hoping to find a closure.

I'm still learning to change. After all, even before the start of that relationship, my goal the whole time was to learn about my short-comings, and to try to change, to improve my relationships with my parents and siblings, and hopefully, everyone around me. I agree if you think I'm a difficult person, I never said otherwise. But I wanted to change, cause every time I turned to that, I hurt myself more than others. No one would ever really understand what it's like living with myself, knowing full-well that I change from one person to another. I try to reconcile them now - each part of me, hoping that I'm not as fragmented, and myself being whole. I'm praying hard. I know I've been healed and delivered of many of these things, but I also need to choose to let go, and let God lead the way, that I will not allow fear of being hurt to control me anymore, but to have that faith in Him.