The scary feeling of being sick, and seeing the people around you, parents, relatives and friends worried is heart-breaking. I know that they all love me, and no, I've no intention of hurting more people. The thing is, I think for most people, when you meet death face to face, your mind hurts for the people you love, what you haven't done to thank them, feeling that you've somehow shortchanged them. I love them all, and it pained me all those times, to see them standing around while trying to figure out how to help me.
For me, the normal flu, bits pain here and there, fever, is nothing compare to the sickness I've had the few times before. The person who sees me through this whole time, mostly is my mom, who must have been very hurt, when I said I want to die because of the excruciating pain. Then, there's dad who tried his best to help, not knowing what else is going on. My siblings who may be younger, but they've always been very supportive, even when this tyrant of a sister, hurled abuses at them. And the others, well, I wish there would be less people, actually, cause it's sad to see people around you feel helpless, and trying to be a comfort at the same time. To all my love ones, thanks for having been around the whole time.
When granny started asking about me getting a boyfriend, I wonder how could I allow myself to be really involve in any relationships at all, knowing my own attitude and the numerous times of severe illnesses I've had. That would be so selfish of me, to drag someone into my life, maybe inflicting more pain than fun in the process. Plus, I haven't the most positive opinion of this sort of thing from the experiences I've had in life.
Perhaps love is more than all these. It's precisely because I love the people around me that I hope no one has to see me in those sickly conditions. I thanked God that He helped me through all these. He blessed me with such a tough mother who took care of me each time I became severely sick. He blessed me with a dad who's not perfect, but who did try his best to look out for me, who's patient with me even when I threw a fit. He blessed me with siblings who keeps trying to encourage me to go further, and improve myself, and when I've been a pathetic smart alec! I thanked God for being by my side, even when I was in the most disgusting state of mind. Thank You Lord, for each of this love You've granted me, to show me Your love........Times when certain parts of my body cramp, or hurt, and I've refused to let anyone know, You Yourself had been with me the whole time, to comfort me and heal my pain. Perhaps love is depending on God, and loving others the way He loves me - in a quiet, unassuming way.
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