My perspective on human dilemma....

Having submitted my application for promotion, I'm still hesitant honestly. How would I not when those people like to ask things like, what if they send you far away from Ipoh - to which my answer is you can keep the position to yourself then. I figured now I was never really keen on positions or career climbing anymore, ever since I became a Christian some almost 9 years ago. Fact is I was not bothered about it, but if doing that would enable me and is the only way for me to have easier access to further my journey, I would take the challenge. Guess this is what they called being old, although most people would not categorise me as such, as I'm still pretty far away from retirement age. But coming from a generation that witnessed and experienced numerous changes, anything that comes my way is just another routine, work or whatever they might want to call it. For most of those from my generation, nobody is indispensable, including companies. It's a matter of how we prepare ourselves for changes, and to anticipate changes, which is an inevitable part and parcel of life now.

Being an extreme perfectionist might be the reason for my severely low self-confidence. Hey, when you're able to see that there's something wrong with you before anyone even point it out, and yet aren't able to rectify the problem is very damaging for yourself, because you'd be cursing yourself for being stupid enough to make that mistake. I'm not blowing my own trumpet, but I could even hear myself the moment my voice go off-tune a wee bit, causing myself to wince in pain, upon hearing that - cause it hurts my ears, that's how bad it is. When I'm in the midst of changes, I ended up trying to calculate all posibilities and consequences - not to be free of trouble, but rather to anticipate changes, results, and to forecasts my own ability in the event something happen due to this decision. I've always believed that you plan before you commit to a certain thing, not after you step into the pit itself - after all, every decision, especially those involving our lives, careers and other important decisions are pits where we walked into, learned how to overcome whatever it is inside, and then come out of it before moving to another one. After all, it is pointless to regret our decisions, or to hope we could redo, as whatever that is done, is done. My view is that the decision points are all points in our lives, where we will ultimately move according to that particular direction - example, if I'm given to strings, A and B, and I choose A, presumably, my life would from there on be affected from my choice of A. For most people, having made a certain choice, they tended to look around, and then look at the other option, which they had foregone previously. Thus, these people ended up always coveting what the others have, or what they don't get to choose anymore.