I blew it yesterday. I was too angry at everything I just keep screaming at my mom and dad. I felt like that's the only way someone would actually buck up and listen. Actually, when someone is listening to me, that person doesn't have to look me in the eye, cause from the response, I just knew. All anyone need to do is just listen. It boggles my mind why anyone need to concentrate and look the other person in the eye in order to actually listen. To me, that's just fake, you know it's pretty much how you people out there fake it.
I knew mom and dad have given me everything that they could afford to. Unfortunately, being me, I wanted something else. Me being the low EQ type, easily felt rejected and left out when I sense that they were not actually listening. And I mean listening, not hearing.
To be honest, I'm the sort who apparently say things in detail. Mom was worried because the way I communicate is totally different from the way other people talk. Mom said people don't like details, especially on topics that don't concern them... including mom and dad, and of course everyone else around me.
That could explain why I could never seems to communicate with people around me. See, everyone don't mind talking about the same topic in detail over and over again, as long as it concerned them. No wonder it bores the hell out of me. And I have to pretend to be interested even if the topic lack any new substance. Gosh!!!Okay, understood.
Mom, I know I'm 27, all grown up and I shouldn't really be exploding anymore, but really, if being a grown up means talking the same non-substantial issues, and me having to play pretend sometimes, I'm not quite sure why I have to. I said sometimes, cause well, sometimes, I really am concern.
Whatever it is, Mom, Dad, I knew you both mean well and love me. I won't brush it off that I got angry because of all these. Not anymore. No matter what, I should never have exploded like that and to try to discuss the issues constructively instead.
You know, everytime when I said sorry, I really mean it. Sorry about all the hurtful things I lashed out at you.
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