Encounter with God...

Honestly, I'm the kind of person who dislikes being lied to even about small little things. Thus, whenever I felt cheated, I became very annoyed, and it could last for many days. So, there was this incident where I felt that this person cheated me of a few coins. The thing is, it's not about the money, it's about the person being dishonest. So, I was irritated, annoyed, angry even.

Then, I started muttering all this to God... in my prayer, during a quiet time with God (at night), and unlike most people, I have no qualms about being angry about a lot of things in front of God... Actually, I complaint about real things to HIM... cause, well humans could not have understood it the way HE could. And after my complaint, I suddenly sense God telling me about how the first human tried to lie to HIM, even though that was impossible to do??? That the whole issue may not have been about passing the bucket or whatever, but that he tried to lie to God HIMSELF... So what makes other humans after all these years not to try their luck in lying or being dishonest... That actually completely took the annoyance out of me. After all, it's true Adam try to lie to God even though he should have known better that it's not possible.

Later, I started ranting about how it's almost impossible for me to be compassionate towards my fellow humans. In fact, I thought human beings are a scary species that it's amazing I'm not phobia towards human interaction. But, the thing is this scary feeling is not so much about fear but more about this feeling of disgust, including towards myself... (Honest)!!! I also told God about how I don't believe whatever that the theologians said. Well, actually I want to hear it from HIMSELF. Then, there came this vision where humans' (sin) opens up a valley with -- God knows whatever is down there -- but it ultimately put us humans to one side and God the other side. As God still care about his creation, Christ was crucified to enable human beings to reach out to God to ask for forgiveness, otherwise, humans would not have been able to touch God for God is holy and humans' sin would have condemned whoever who tried to reach out to God. Although, God could do all sorts of miracles and still use our lives without us knowing, we would not have been so benefited if we are not the ones to ask God to lead in our lives. Thus, having Christ in our lives means we could then reach out to God, and allow HIM to be the driver in our lives. It was in fact to ensure that our lives are fruitful and that we would be able to enjoy whatever that comes our way.

So, how did that relate to my disgust with humans and having to overcome that... Well, if God being so holy and Almighty, is merciful and gracious enough to come and have compassion towards us, well I need to have my heart healed and open up so that I could have the love that God has for us. The vision did reduce the disgusting feeling a bit. Guess, I'll have to continue to seek God to cover me with HIS strength and HIS love so that someday, I would be able to have compassion on people, including myself.

I guess this encounter with God was meant to heal me of some of my distrust towards fellow human beings. And God may not have healed all of them partly because of my unwillingness, partly I guess I still have a journey to continue...