Finally It's Over...still in the process of becoming a SMOOTH STONE :D

From about Oct 2014 onwards, life has been a roller coaster. It was breakthrough after breakthrough, walls smashed down.

Many of the issues that were way overdue, stuffed inside my head, was finally cleared, with the roots completely obliterated recently. However, I have to admit that this feeling feels so raw, it was almost odd, foreign yet familiar, like meeting someone that you knew from a very long time ago, very close and yet almost forgotten. Except, this someone is myself from yesterday, the one which I thought was dead and buried. But, as written in Ezekiel, God can speak to our dry bones and revive them. And that was exactly what happened that middle of the night. It was so quiet, so gentle, and yet, that pain, anger, hatred, root intense bitterness finally completely withered off and dead and taken out from me. To be replaced with Him breathing new life into every part that I thought was dead. Parts of which was all smithereens.

During this time, and even from since year 2000, it was a journey of taking out parts that were not me and with that final piece gone in mid June 2015, finally collecting and putting back the pieces of me from everywhere that only He knew how and where, parts of myself that I barely recognised because it had been frozen or dead for 30 years. Learning to grow those parts of me was almost weird but with Him helping me, this journey has been nothing short of amazing.

I also want to extend my thanks to people past and present, who hurt me, had been part of my life, whacked me to wake up :) , people who cared about me, who loved me, whom I have hurt in turn, people who took it upon themselves to mentor me, prayed for me...without so many people who had been part and parcel of my life someway, somehow, I would not have come this far.

After these 9 months of intensified breakthroughs, clearing off the thrash, I could finally start on a clean slate.

I recently discovered much to my annoyance (anyone who knew me knew I'm a lone ranger, striving to be ALONE in a real way), that, the very reason we needed relationships, was not so that we won't be lonely but rather, 1+1 is more really than just 2. It's all about enriching others, caring for others, making each moment count even when life sucks. It's about learning to relate with others and putting others first. You see, we are all like new stones when we first came into the world. Along the way, we bumped into others, we get thrown about, there were pain everywhere, BUT, at the end of the day, we will finally each become a SMOOTH STONE.

Life, without love and relationships, is painless and secure/stagnant (so long as no waves come hit you and throw you into the ocean), but it definitely is timeless (time just sort of stand still when there is nothing going on), loveless (you need relationships whether with family, relatives, friends and not just romance in order to love and be loved), and most of all LIFELESS (because well, when one does not feel pain, disappointment, love....that is tantamount to not having any heartbeat anymore).

It's been more than a year since I last posted in 2013. I thank God that throughout all these years, He had been watching over me. Many people will never understand, why would I be thankful to a God who allowed me to go through all that pain and hurt that turned my life upside down beyond recognition. But, the story of redemption is this: If I had not gone through what I did, I would have remained that seriously extrovert, happy-go-lucky, cheerful person, who thought everything was just black and white, who knew how to be sympathetic but know nothing about empathy, who love but knew nothing about being loved so deeply. But, being kicked and stumbled, I became the exact opposite of my original character, such contrast that for all these years, my mother wondered what happened to me. Because I became not me. When each part of me died or frozen, each of the void was filled with the opposite of that character. Hence when God started to deliver me, despite me, He cleared all that junks from me, killing them by the root and revived me again. Could God have protected me from those harm before they happened? He could, but He allowed it because He had given humans freewill, to choose whether to do harm or to do good. As for me, it is through this that I saw and experienced His love, His grace, His compassion upon me, and finally knew vividly, even when I thought I was all alone, He is by my side all these time.

So, is everything all right already? Well, I'm still in the process of becoming a SMOOTH STONE.