The pain from my past just keep haunting me!!!!

Many a time, I had been trying to forget it. But it just keep hurting me even more especially when ppl around me like to talk about being sexy & all. I couldn't let go of the past. I hated it. These women who like being sexy, why didn't they have to get this kind of unwanted attention in the first place, since they're all so eagerly seeking it anyway.

It happened at a time when I didn't even know what molestation means. I wasn't even aware then that males and females are different. To me, everyone is just that, humans. But then, while being compassionate, I was being repaid with this kind of horrible action. I hated it. I didn't know what else might have happened had maternal-grandma not come on time at that moment. It hurts even more when I was supposed to just treat it as something normal because a lot of other girls had also went through this sort of experience........Does that actually make it normal.....HULLO!!!!!

I couldn't remember how that man looked like since he's a stranger........if I did, I'd like to have a samurai sword in hand to slice him off...........To make it worse for me, that was the first time, but not the only one I had to go through.................different ppl, same horrible action.............Makes me wonder why don't they just go for the ladies who were dying for that kind of attention..................F***!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm supposed to let got of the past, but how do I do that, when on looking back, this whole thing is still hurting the core of my emotional being..............It did make me cry to sleep, alright!!!!!!!!!!

Truth is, I've lost memory of these incidences due to the traumatising effect, though I could still remember it in my feelings, but I prayed to remember what it was that was making me reactive in such a way.................The memories hurt like hell, I understood better my own reaction..........but this probably makes me want to leave this place more than ever.........cause it still hurts like hell!!!!!!!! Something that only God Himself understands, which was why He took that memories away all those years..........